How to Tame Your Inner Critic and Be Kinder to Yourself? The inner critic is that voice inside us that devalues, blames, and questions our actions - and even our entire self. It might sound like: “You messed it up again,” “You’re not good enough,” or “What’s wrong with you?” This voice often takes shape in childhood, influenced by our environment, parental expectations, or a culture of perfectionism. But it’s important to remember: this voice is not the truth, and we can learn to respond to it differently. Here are some steps to consider to tame your inner critic and be kinder to yourself: 1. Notice When the Critic Shows Up The first step is awareness. Start noticing the moments when you're being harsh with yourself. What happened just before these thoughts? What emotions are you feeling? The inner critic often shows up when we’re feeling vulnerable, ashamed, anxious, or insecure. Example: “I didn’t turn the project in on time” → “You’re lazy and irresponsible.” 2. Give Your Critic a Name or Image Imagine your inner critic as a separate character. It could be a strict teacher, a parent, or another voice from the past. Give it a name. This helps create distance between you and the critical voice. Example: “Ah, here’s Ms. Smith again - my schoolteacher who thought nothing was ever good enough.” 3. Ask What the Critic Is Trying to Do Your inner critic is often trying to protect you from pain, failure, or rejection but doing it clumsily. Instead of getting angry at it, try asking: What are you trying to protect me from? What are you worried about? Could you say this in a gentler way? 4. Replace Criticism with Compassion Often, intense self-criticism is tied to old emotional wounds that need compassionate and attention. Try to rephrase your thoughts the way you would talk to a close friend. You wouldn’t tell your friend, “You’re a complete failure.” You’d probably say something like, “You’re going through a tough time, but I believe in you.” Instead of: “I’m a terrible parent” Try: “This is hard because I care so much about being a good parent. I’m doing my best - and that matters.” 5. Use Soothing Physical Gestures Touch can help calm the nervous system and activate the self-soothing response. Try: Hugging yourself Placing a hand on your chest Gently touching your face or arms with care and intention 6. Talk to Your Younger Self Imagine your younger self - a child or teenager standing in front of you. Tell them what they needed to hear: “You’re okay,” “You matter just as you are,” “I’m here with you.” 7. Develop an Inner Supporter Create another voice inside, one that is warm, caring, and supportive. Let this voice grow strong enough to balance the critic. At first it might sound faint, but with practice, it gets louder and steadier. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean making excuses or avoiding responsibility. It means living with greater honesty, resilience, and self-respect.
Male Anxiety in Relationships... There’s a paradox: a man may appear calm, composed, and “in control,” but inside, he may be in a state of panic. He laughs at jokes and takes care of daily tasks. On the outside - solid as ever. But at night, when everything quiets down, a thought whispers: “What if I’m not enough?” “What if she sees the real me?” Men’s anxiety in relationships is a hidden layer we rarely talk about. It’s often masked with sarcasm, work, humour, intense workouts, or silence. And yes, a man can deeply love his partner, dream of a life together, even raise children and still be tormented by the fear of rejection, of being misunderstood, or of not measuring up. Sometimes this anxiety is buried so deep he doesn’t even realize it. He just becomes more irritable, more distant, and avoids the conversations that once brought him joy. But these are all masks worn by anxiety. From childhood, many boys are taught: “Real men aren’t afraid,” “Don’t show weakness,” “Handle everything on your own.” So when real, raw, and complex emotions arise in a relationship, many men simply don’t know what to do with them. They were never taught to name their fears, express their doubts, or ask for support. The countless unsettling thoughts aren’t the voice of logic, they’re the voice of the inner critic, shaped in the shadows of cultural expectations and childhood experiences. How Does This Anxiety Show Up? Sometimes, in a need to control everything. Other times, it takes the opposite form - emotional withdrawal, driven by a fear of becoming “too dependent,” because connection feels like vulnerability. Sometimes, anxiety shows up as anger. But once anxiety is acknowledged, it’s no longer the enemy - it becomes a signal. If a man can recognize, “I’m angry because I’m afraid of being rejected,” that’s not weakness. That’s strength. Because that recognition marks the beginning of an honest conversation. It helps break automatic patterns - withdrawal, attack, or shutdown, and creates space for conscious action: speaking, listening, asking, sharing. Even a short phrase like “I feel uneasy because I’m afraid of losing you” can shift the entire dynamic of a conflict. What Helps? 1. A Safe Space. A place where a man can speak honestly, without being mocked, minimized, or shamed. A space where he’s not “soft” for having feelings, but real for owning them. 2. Challenging Old Beliefs. If a man believes that “real men don’t feel fear,” then any sign of anxiety will be wrapped in shame. Every anxious thought will feel like a personal failure. And unprocessed shame often leaks out in toxic forms - passive aggression, emotional numbness, or constant tension that damages both the relationship and his own well-being. But when that belief is challenged, he can begin to see anxiety not as weakness but as a sign of what truly matters. 3. Simple Tools for Self-Regulation. Breathing exercises. Taking breaks. Even a quick note in a journal. These might sound “unmanly,” but they do something vital - they give him back a sense of control. Not over others, but over himself. He’s Not Toxic. He’s Human. It’s important to understand: an anxious man in a relationship is not a toxic man. He can be loving, caring, deeply committed and still vulnerable. That doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with him. It means he’s human. Real. With real feelings. He’s just used to hiding them. And now, he’s learning to show them. In fact, when he learns to face his fear instead of hide it, when he opens up instead of shutting down - that’s when real connection begins. Because real intimacy doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from truth. From being seen completely. From having the courage to say: “This is me. I’m scared, unsure, and still showing up.” Step by step, through fear and uncertainty, he can move toward a relationship where he doesn’t need to hide. Where he can be himself and be accepted.
Understanding Anger: A Clear Guide to Its Nature, Challenges, and Management Anger is a natural emotional response that helps us defend against threats. It motivates us to push back against obstacles, stand up for ourselves, or protect others, like a built-in alarm system that rallies our energy to handle danger. In short-term situations, such as facing an immediate risk, anger can be helpful by sharpening focus and boosting adrenaline to act quickly. However, when anger becomes too intense, lasts too long, or doesn't fit the situation, it turns problematic. It can block clear thinking, spark pointless arguments, damage relationships, and even harm physical health by raising stress levels, blood pressure, or contributing to issues like heart problems. For instance, imagine someone who relies on anger as their go-to fix for every frustration, like yelling at a coworker over a minor delay. This approach often backfires, creating more stress and isolation, especially if the real issue is something internal, like unresolved personal worries. Over time, chronic anger like this wears people down, leading to exhaustion, anxiety, or depression. Types of Anger: Outward (Explosive) vs. Inward (Implosive) Anger doesn't always show up the same way. It can burst outward (explosive) or turn inward (implosive), and sometimes these mix. Understanding this helps explain why anger feels so different for everyone. Explosive Anger: This is the "outward blast" where anger targets others or the environment. It might look like shouting, blaming, insulting, or even physical actions like slamming doors. Think of road rage: a driver cuts you off, and you honk aggressively or yell. While it might feel relieving in the moment, it often escalates conflicts and leaves regret afterward.Implosive Anger: Here, anger folds back on yourself, staying bottled up. It shows as self-blame, guilt, low mood, withdrawal, or even self-harm. For example, after a fight, instead of speaking up, you might isolate and beat yourself up internally, leading to depression or chronic stress. This type is quieter but just as harmful, building tension over time and potentially exploding later. Studies indicate implosive anger correlates with internalized stress, increasing risks for anxiety or physical symptoms like headaches. These types can switch or blend, like in resentment, where you're mad at someone else but also turn it on yourself, "swallowing" the initial frustration. A sudden hysterical reaction might stem from this inner clash. Both forms, if unmanaged, disrupt life, but recognizing them is the first step to healthier expression. The Role of Suppressed or Repressed Emotions in Psychological Issues Many mental health struggles stem from emotions we push down or hide from ourselves - especially anger, which society often views as "bad" or dangerous. These defenses keep us from feeling overwhelmed short-term but create bigger problems long-term. Let's break down the key differences, based on psychological research: Suppression: This is a conscious choice to hold back emotions. You know you're angry but deliberately push it aside to stay composed, like biting your tongue in a meeting. It's like wrestling a force trying to escape your body - you keep shoving it back in. If the emotion is mild and you're strong-willed (a solid "ego" in psych terms), it might not bother you much, but it builds "armor": tight muscles, rigid habits, or emotional walls. Stronger emotions can erupt as anxiety attacks, random anger bursts, or physical issues like stomach pain (psychosomatic symptoms). Often, you blame outside events for your unhappiness, but the root is those bottled feelings. To fix it, first express the emotion safely - talk it out, journal, or move your body. Repression: This happens unconsciously, you shove the emotion out of awareness entirely, like erasing it from your mind. It leaves a void: apathy, boredom, or "whatever happens, it doesn't matter." Energy drops, life feels flat, and you deny yourself joy or drive. If the emotion is weak, you might build internal barriers easily, but it breeds emptiness. Stronger ones drain you completely, causing chronic fatigue, numbness, or even fainting in extreme cases. Here, dissatisfaction turns inward - you blame yourself more than the world. Treatment starts by gently reintroducing the emotion (e.g., through therapy) then resolving it positively. Everyone suppresses or represses a bit - it's human. Suppression may stem from childhood neglect, parental role models, viewing emotions as unsafe, or traumatic experiences. Anger is especially tricky because it's stigmatized - most people (except maybe the truly zen) suppress it to avoid seeming "out of control." In severe cases, someone might fully ban their anger after a past outburst went wrong, fearing an inner "monster" like a volcano or beast. They once used anger protectively but now see it as destructive, leading to constant vigilance and inner turmoil. Why Anger Is So Complex and Destructive Anger isn't simple. It's a web of biology, past experiences, and thoughts that can wreck your inner world if unchecked. It triggers fights, anxiety, or health woes like high blood pressure. Suppressed anger festers into resentment or depression; explosive anger isolates you. Therapy use analysis to uncover anger's roots (often hidden fears or hurts) and imagery techniques to reshape it. Imagine visualizing anger as a storm cloud you gently dissolve into calm rain. This transforms raw fury into peace or assertiveness. In summary, anger is a tool gone wrong when overused or buried. By spotting its types, understanding suppression/repression, and seeking psychological tools, you can channel it healthier. If anger feels overwhelming, talk to a professional - it's a sign of strength, not weakness.
Understanding Beliefs in Anxiety and Strengthening Self-Regulation Anxiety often arises from inner tension - especially when our core beliefs are in conflict. This means that anxiety can develop when the beliefs you hold deep inside yourself are contradicting or pulling you in different directions. For example: One part of you believes: “I should always be strong and independent.” Another part feels: “I really need help and support right now.” That internal conflict between what you believe you should be and what you actually feel creates inner tension. These beliefs, whether empowering or limiting, shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world. They influence our emotional state, our behavior, and how we relate to those around us. In many cases, anxiety emerges when these internal beliefs clash or go unexamined. Social beliefs, such as cultural norms, family traditions, parental values, and societal expectations, often become internalized, subtly influencing our decisions and shaping our view of what is “right” or “acceptable.” These inherited beliefs may reflect deeply rooted ideas passed on to us, sometimes without our awareness. To gain clarity and freedom, it’s important to separate your authentic beliefs from those you may have adopted through pressure, trauma, or habit. The goal is not to reject every external influence, but to identify beliefs that no longer serve you, especially those that were never truly yours to begin with. These inherited or imposed beliefs may have once acted as protection, shielding you from pain, responsibility, or rejection but over time, they can limit your growth, diminish your self-worth, blunt your intuition, and make it harder to live fully and freely. By examining and reframing them, you open the door to a more authentic, fulfilling life. A Self-Inquiry Practice for Clarifying Beliefs Use these reflective questions to explore unconscious patterns and realign with your inner truth: What do you long for but feel you can’t allow yourself to pursue? What emotions do you often suppress or struggle to express? What specific desires do you hold back from acting on? Why do you stop yourself, what holds you back? Who first told you this wasn’t allowed? How was that message delivered (words, tone, situation)? What did you think and feel at the time? How did you respond to this “rule” or restriction? What is your current internal experience around this unexpressed desire? Thoughts (e.g., self-doubt, fear, judgment) Emotions (e.g., guilt, shame, sadness) Body sensations (e.g., tension, tightness, fatigue) Whose voice are you really hearing - yours or someone else’s (e.g., a parent, teacher, or authority figure)? Now, imagine the desired emotional state or behavior. What thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise? How do these differ from the old, inherited beliefs? Moving Toward Your Authentic Self To begin making space for more freedom and self-alignment, consider: What small step can you take today to honor a hidden desire? What daily habit or action can you shift, even slightly? What emotion are you ready to express more freely? What can you now permit yourself to feel, do, or say? What behavior might reflect the real you? How can you begin to replace limiting beliefs with your own truths? This reflective process can help you uncover the roots of anxiety, understand your internal belief system, and begin to replace outdated messages with beliefs that reflect your current values and truth. Over time, this practice fosters emotional clarity, self-trust, and a greater sense of peace.
Narcissistic Abuse: What It Is and How It Affects People Narcissistic abuse is a hidden and harmful type of emotional abuse. It happens when someone uses manipulation and control to hurt another person, often slowly and in ways that are hard to notice at first. This kind of abuse is usually done by someone with narcissistic personality traits, such as: Thinking very highly of themselves Always needing attention or praise Not caring about how others feel To feel powerful or important, a narcissistic person may try to control or confuse their partner, friend, or colleague. Common Tactics Used in Narcissistic Abuse Narcissistic abuse can include several hurtful behaviors, such as: Gaslighting – Making you doubt your memory, thoughts, or feelings. You might start to feel like you're going crazy or can’t trust yourself. Stonewalling – Refusing to talk or respond. The abuser may ignore you completely, making you feel invisible or unimportant. The Drama Triangle – Constantly switching between acting like a hero, a victim, or someone who blames you. This creates a lot of emotional chaos and leaves you feeling confused and drained. Idealizing and Devaluing – First, they treat you like you're perfect. Then suddenly, they treat you like you’re worthless. This emotional rollercoaster can make you feel stuck and unsure of what’s real. How Narcissistic Abuse Affects Victims Over time, this kind of abuse can really hurt a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Victims might experience: Walking on eggshells Low self-esteem Feeling like they’ve lost who they are Feelings of loneliness and isolation Feelings of worry or sadness Difficulty making decesions Recovery can take time, but healing is possible. Recognizing narcissistic abuse is the first step. Talking to a therapist, finding support from trusted people, and learning about these patterns can help you begin to heal. With the right help, you will rebuild self-worth and feel strong again.
How Couples Therapy Work? Couples (marital or partner) therapy is proven to be more effective for restoring and clarifying relationships than individual therapy. Unlike individual therapy, which focuses on a client’s personal experience (though it is still considered), couples therapy centres on the interaction between partners. While individual therapy explores a client’s inner world, couples therapy explores the space between the partners. Together, the couple and the therapist look for answers to questions like: •What is happening between us? •Why did this happen in our relationship? •How can we restore our connection? Importantly, couples therapy does not aim to assign blame or find a "scapegoat," as often happens in marital conflicts. Instead, therapy helps partners break the vicious cycle or emotional whirlpool the partners have fallen into. Most couples can recall a time when they were happy, when love and connection were strong. These memories often keep them together - even when things get difficult. Initially, the idea of letting go of the need to find a "guilty party" may feel unfamiliar, but is major turning point in therapy. That’s when the partner stops being seen as an enemy and is rediscovered as beloved, familiar, and trusted person they once were. After all, living with an enemy turns daily life into a war - a war against one’s own family. What actually happens in couples therapy? In couples therapy, the space for guesswork and assumptions significantly reduces. Partners have a chance to stop imagining what the other is thinking or feeling, and instead turn to each other, ask questions, and see each other’s reactions. Sometimes what one partner believes about the other’s thoughts, feelings or motivations is completely different from reality. Therapy helps partners explore these differences and fosters mutual understanding. The role of the therapist. At the same time, couples therapy places unique demands on the therapist. It requires strong qualifications and the ability to work effectively with two clients in conflict at once. A skilled couple’s therapist will: •Create a safe and neutral space for both partners •View the couple as a single unit, in which both people are equally important, equally hurt, and equally motivated to repair the relationship •Support the couple in rebuilding trust, emotional safety, and a sense of wholeness Because after all, no one is closer, more familiar, or more important than each other, than the two people sitting in the room, trying to reconnect.